Job hunt continues...

As some of you know, I work as a casual slot attendant at the Gold Eagle Casino here in North Battleford. I love it, however I do not get many hours. Many of the Food and Beverage servers on the floor told me I should apply in that dept because their casuals can get tons of hours, needless to say once a posting for the dept went up I applied. I had my interview last week and it went well. Last night I was on a quick break and my phone rang. I recognized the number as the casino and rightly assumed it was the F&B manager in regards to the job. I told her I was upstairs and she asked if I could pop by her office for a few minutes.


Excitedly I beelined to her office and sat down to chat. In the end, I declined the job. First off, the position was not for the gaming floor but for the GRC where functions are held. One of the perks of course is getting to check out the acts/bands etc that perform (such as Norm MacDonald last night) but one of the major drawbacks is the hours. Working a shift is dependent on functions. This time of year is busier (lots of Christmas functions etc) and the summer has quite a few wedding receptions, however the rest of the year can be slow. I would be moving from one dept with few hrs to another one with few hrs so not really gaining anything by it.

The second reason has to do with casino politics and red tape. I cannot really get into much detail because if it gets back to Lincoln I will be killed :) Basically, they see him advancing in that dept big time down the road. If we work in the same dept, neither of us can advance past the occasional supervisor shift. He is first in line for the apprenticeship (Red Seal) program, he would have started this semester but the ball was dropped by the old chef etc etc... You don't spend 60 K for someone to take the program and leave them as a line cook forever, if ya know what I mean. So down the road, I would have to move to another dept anyways (most likely, almost definitely). I may as well stay where I am and hope a full-time spot opens up.....

I was given a choice though which is nice, and though Lincoln and I discussed the potential conflict of interest, we never thought about it to the extent that Cori explained....

I left the chat feeling pretty bittersweet, yes I am kinda bummed but I am so proud of my husband. Through the casino's help he can and will pursue his dream of the Red Seal and he can take that anywhere later if he chooses to move on.....


Totally unrelated to most of this post, I was hit on by Norm MacDonald last night, if you consider him massaging my neck while I led him across the casino to the ATM being hit on.... He was a pretty nice guy though and really tall!

Stand up for what you believe, even if you're the only one standing.

My title comes from a poster I saw when I picked my son up from school today. Lately, I have worried that standing up would cause future employers to maybe think "This one might cause trouble if we don't hire her" etc... Valid point, if I were to go after every employer who denied me a job. I don't and I won't unless of course there is blatant discrimination towards me. I have been denied several jobs in my lifetime, some I know are because I'm not the right fit (usually sensed by me during the interview), some are because someone else is better qualified, and some are because of discrimination. Only 3 employers have been so disturbingly forthright though and of those 3 only 1 is going to see a consequence. Many times I have sensed the discrimination without it being spoken and I would never consider filing a complaint because though I feel it, I cannot prove it.


I knew full well what I would face by making my complaint so public (I have heard that at least half of North Battleford knows) yet I chose to accept the consequences (being labeled a troublemaker possibly) because it was and is the right thing to do. I would rather be seen as a pot stirrer who does something about discrimination as opposed to a silent sheep who cries to herself and ignores the problem.

This has not been easy for me, far from it. I am a roller coaster of emotions at any given time. One minute I'm ok, the next I'm angry, the next I'm self-pitying (which is the worst!). I am lucky to have wonderful support from friends and strangers alike. However, not everyone has been so supportive. The shock of my life came from someone in my own family, who actually was considerate enough to not say anything about the issue until I kinda pushed her opinion out of her. Initially I took her lack of response as not giving a crap about me, when in reality it was because she did not want to argue with me. She is of the opinion that disabled people cannot possibly work the same jobs as non disabled people (for the most part, especially restaurant jobs). What upset me the most is her insinuation that I was in the wrong for not advertising the fact I have one hand during the interview and that the way the employer handled it was right. Don't tell me that by even applying I was setting myself up for failure! Really? So what does she (or anyone who agrees with her for that matter) think I should do in life? Do you realize the limits you place on someone by saying that? Do you realize how badly you hurt someone by saying that?


And please, do not compare my 31 years missing an arm with your few weeks/months that you had to be one handed for whatever reason. Since birth I have been learning how to live one handed in a two handed world. It is such a different experience to injure yourself and learn to be one handed for awhile when all you know is two handedness from living with one handedness every single day of your life forever! Everytime I meet someone with a broken arm or what have you I hear "I don't know how you do this one handed all the time" well, you just answered yourself, all the time is the key. I know most people do not mean to be rude etc when they say that sort of thing and usually it is meant as a compliment, sadly it was recently used to insult me further.

So, to those of you who think I "shouldn't" apply in a restaurant (or any other job for that matter), or "shouldn't" take this as far as I can, maybe you "shouldn't" be so quick to judge. Maybe you SHOULD open your mind, learn something new, and stop assuming you know what my abilities are or aren't.....


My original intent for this post kind of derailed, obviously my conversation with that family member is affecting me greater then I let on at the time.... I doubt that person will see this and even if she does well I can only hope she understands a little bit more. If she is mad, I guess that is too bad. Be mad, because you made me feel an inch tall....

Untitled (because I can't think of a good one)

Went for a job interview on Wednesday. Food and Beverage dept at the Gold Eagle Casino. I'm hoping the fact I am an internal applicant helps me out. I love my current position in slots but I need more hours. I would like to be able to just work at the casino instead of trying to juggle 2 job schedules, along with the show I'm doing with the Battleford Community Players (more on that later). I'm grateful I got an interview seems as they already know about my arm and chose to interview me anyways. We all know that legally they cannot deny me one based on that but they certainly could have based on my lack of experience in that particular area. I'm trying to stay positive without getting my hopes up too high. I'll know for sure by Wednesday, the waiting is killing me. I'm still looking at other job postings but there really is not much that I have not already applied for.... I need a job, the bills are getting paid but it is leaving us without much else....


As for my human rights complaint I have no new news there, no idea what the process will be.... All I know is it has me incredibly stressed out. Google has not proved helpful in finding information on how long these things take or in how they turn out. I'm also questioning if it is really worth it, will anything really change? I won't know unless I try, but part of me wants to try to forget it and move on. I know I would regret not doing anything though. I hope society can come to a place where nobody needs to feel the things I have felt these last couple weeks. I feel a tidal wave of emotions every time I start to think about it. Not thinking about it is almost impossible.


As for the show, well I have an incredibly small part (2 lines) but I am script supervisor which requires me to attend every rehearsal. The show is called "Always Wear Your Muumuu In A Vegas Firestorm" written by Wendy Lockman from Swift Current. Funny as all hell, 30 bucks gets you the show and dinner. It is probably the only thing not stressing me out right now.....

You know you are in trouble, so you try to get out of it...

By telling the reporter you fired me over a math mistake on a take out order. A mistake due to your not great calculator. A mistake that was what 50 cents? Yet at the end of that night you did not mention it, no instead you said I had done a good job. Nice try, in case you forgot I had a witness that night, and she is more than willing to stand up for me!
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So the process has begun...

I faxed my complaint to the human rights commission yesterday... Will call Monday to find out if I need to mail it as well...


Spoke to a friend of mine who used to be a lawyer, is now a politician, he said talking to the media is ok as long as I tell the truth. Been doing that all along...

I found out yesterday that the other server who witnessed the owners rant on Saturday (she also stood up for me at the time) apparently walked out of her job after I got canned. I'm hoping to contact her to thank her.

I feel bad that she gave up her job for me but also very grateful for her show of support!

Job interview on Wednesday at the casino, food and beverage department. I really hope I get it. I need it badly. Between getting laid off and the multiple delays on my EI claim because of Movie Gallery sending out an updated ROE after they paid me a 78.00 bonus and now having been "fired" no matter the reason my claim is on hold for another 28 days. I should have finally seen a payment on Tuesday but because I was honest I am punished yet again. The computers don't care why I was fired, just that I was so of course an investigation needs to be done. When all is said and done I'm sure it won't affect my benefits but the wait is hitting me hard financially.


So I think I might push for damages, after all this is not only affecting what I would have made full time plus tips but it is also affecting my EI claim...



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Grrrrrr

So this whole thing with Dragon Palace (that's right, name and shame right there) has really messed me up financially. Because I was honest and reported my earnings and firing to EI I now have to fill out a form stating why I was fired. And this also means another delay... I. Am. Going. To. Snap!


I really, really, really cannot afford another delay...


In other news, a reporter from my local paper is calling me on Monday!
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Just need to vent...

This whole thing has me feeling ill. Genuinely sick to my stomach. I can't stop thinking about it either. This is 2010 for crying out loud! Why is society still so ignorant? Why are disabled people still fighting for rights? Why is the LGBT community still fighting for rights? Why are minorities still fighting for rights?

Wake up!

Right now I don't know if I'm more angry over what happened to me (31 years of teasing and discrimination culminating in a drop kick to the face so to speak) or if I'm just sad for society in general...

This really has been a life long battle for me. In kindergarten I rode the handi-bus and was in a special ed class simply because I had one arm. I did not need the special resources because in all other aspects I was normal. My spot in the class would have been better used for a child who needed those supports.

My peers often excluded me or teased me. A few even beat me up.

In job interviews I have seen the look on an employers face once they noticed, I have heard the tone changed. I have been promptly thanked for coming, and never called back. Now, I'm not saying every employer who has opted not to hire me has done so because of my arm. But I know there were several, either because they were brave (stupid?) enough to tell me so, or because I could sense it in the interview.

I type a minimum of 50 words per minute one handed, I am a pretty loyal employee, I do what is asked and expected. If I'm not sure I can do a task, I at least try and if needed find a way to adapt if needed. Very rarely do I say "I can't do that because of my arm". In fact, it is so rare I think I have only said it once and meant it. It is changing the smibs in a slot machine. My reluctance has to do with the removal of a rather heavy piece of glass usually mounted on top of a slot, heck I'm sure it worries my 2 handed co-workers some days.

I'm getting many suggestions to go the route of the Human Rights Commission, and though I know this is exactly the type of case that they deal with, I'm leaning towards the legal lawsuit route. More of a public spanking. The HRC route gets the employer in a big pile of dung, but it is not very public. I want people to know, I want the next disabled person in my situation to have the inspration to do the same when it happens to them. To not be afraid of being labled a trouble maker because they stood up for themselves. I should have done this a long, long, time ago...

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Discrimination hurts...

Well, the events from last night make my last post somewhat irrelevant.. Not entirely though as it gives background. I no longer need to make the stay or go decision, it was made for me.


I went in to "work" last night to check the schedule. I was not on it, though someone was whited out... Me? Maybe. I asked the owner what was up, the other server had told me the schedule had been made on Monday so I knew it was not due to the updated one not being done.


The response I got? "we have decided to try out other people because of your arm"

Yup, even though I proved my abilities, was told I did a good job, I still lost the job because I have one arm!

At the moment, I am refraining from Naming and Shameing because I plan to contact a lawyer. I have already spoken to a contact at CBC as well as the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission.

I'm hurt, I'm angry, I am a tidal wave of emotion. You might be inclined to say "it is only a job, you will find another" and you are correct. However, it runs deeper than that. I have let other employers treat me the same way and I'm tired of it. I need to take this as far as I can, I need to do it for me and for the 18 year old girl I once was who was told her arm was not esthetically pleasing. I need to do it for the child born today missing a limb. I need to do it.

As much as I want to take the sue their pants off route I'm doubtful I can afford it. Anyone know a good pro-bono lawyer in SK? I have been looking for a job since June when we doing out Movie Gallery was closing.


I never intended for this blog to become an outlet to advocate for amputees, lately though I'm definitely considering it. At least in part. This is a my life blog and I am an amputee which is my life...
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*edited because I swear like a sailor and um that might not help me here....

Should I stay or should I go?

On Friday I went to a local Chinese restaurant to apply for an advertised server position. I ended up getting interviewed on the spot. I told the owner that I have never worked in a restaurant before and he was ok with that. What I did not tell him, and he did not notice, was the fact I'm an amputee. My left arm was amputated below the elbow at birth. Now, I did not consciously try to hide it, though I know I do it subconsciously.... It was cold, I had a coat on, I digress. I was hired and started yesterday. I was wearing a short sleeved shirt and I saw the exact moment he noticed on his face. A half hour later he came out front and flipped his lid because I had not told him. I told him that my "disability" had been an impediment in the past and that I felt I deserved a chance to prove myself. I told him I did not want to be automatically written off just because. I know I can do the job. The place is 90% buffet, so generally not going to be carrying 12 plates of appy's out at once. He then of course was sending one of the other girls out to test my abilities (switching out food on the steam table etc). I nailed it all. I do anticipate difficulty with the giant pots of soup but really I think that can be worked around.

At the end of the night I went to talk to him about the whole thing. I asked him flat out if he would have hired me knowing about the arm. He said no (rather sheepishly at that). I told him that is why I do not introduce myself as Jeannie the one armed girl... He would not have given me the chance to prove myself. Once he was stuck though he realized that I did a good job. He even said so...

The thing is, knowing he would not have hired me based purely on my lack of an arm makes me kinda unsure about sticking around. Am I always going to have to prove myself?

Was I really terribly dishonest in not saying anything at the start? In all honesty I'm scared to. During a job interview for a clothing store once, my interviewer noticed my prosthetic (don't wear one now), her face dropped, and she said "I'm sorry, esthetics are very important here and your arm is not esthetically pleasing. I cannot hire you". I was floored, I was hurt, and I was insulted. In an attitude typical of an 18 year old I shot back a rather nasty retort about her face and esthetics... I have never forgotten that incident, and every time I apply for a job it is in my mind...

So, do I stick around and hope that I'm not constantly watched for a fuck up that can be attributed to my "disability" or do I keep looking for something where I'm hopefully not judged based on someone elses opinion on what they think I can or cannot do?

For what it is worth, customer feedback to me was phenomenal!
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Formula companies offering breastfeeding advice is like Peg Perego offering babywearing tips...

... Only, much, much, worse!

It came to my attention yesterday via Phd in parenting that Similac and babble.com teamed up to offer "breastfeeding" tips, then the next day it was discovered that WebMD has done the same with Gerber (Nestle). I can just imagine the new mom who knows next to nothing about nursing but wants to give it a go being up late with a fussy baby and googling breastfeeding issues and *bam* finds the webmd or babble page..... clicks the link, reads, and then decides to call the "Lactation Consultants" (most definitely not board certified) and next thing you know, she is sending hubby to 7-11 to pick up a can of good start (or to get it from the cupboard, because if she did any baby shopping chances are she has 4 nestle diaper bags chock full of good start)..... I won't go into it too much here as there are a few other blogs that go into more detail.... but WTF? Really? I know formula companies are shady but this is low. What is really an upset is the fact that if every mom from now on nursed thier babies making the need for formula practically obsolete, neither one of those companies would really suffer. I mean Nestle manufactures everything it seems..... They make piles of money off chocolate, water, etc etc why can't they just leave nursing moms alone?


When my son was born I had about 4 nestle diaper bags (one was sent to my parents house, 2 came to my house, I got one via welcome wagon), all of them full of full size formula samples. the samples, i threw out and I'm glad i had the smarts to do so because the first 6 weeks of nursing were hell (my son was growing very well though, that was what kept me motivated) and had of I kept those samples (and spoke to one of the Nestle "Lactation Consultants" I hate to think what might of happened at 3 AM......

It is insulting, almost like the formula companies believe a nursing mother is too tired (or stupid?) to believe anything other than they offer breastfeeding advice out of the goodness of their cold, black hearts. And hey, if you are struggling, well their advice to you will undoubtedly be "well Mrs. Smith, did you know our crap in a can is as good as breastmilk?" UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH